Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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