There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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