I cannot find my penis.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
