bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
