Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
