So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
