I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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