I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
