Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
