my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
