it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
