i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i now understand why vodka
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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