Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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