so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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