I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
