You're my little dorito
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
