It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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