he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
