Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
