We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I smell stomach acid.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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