don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
