Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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