I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
