Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
