Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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