Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
