Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
