I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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