She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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