Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
