He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
