So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize