I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
