I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
