We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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