I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
