he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
