He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
