Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
