Your mouth is God's brothel.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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