woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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