Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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