Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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