It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
