it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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