Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When are your genitals available?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
