yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
