She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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