I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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