just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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