im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
