Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
