I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
