He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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