I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
