Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry about my life...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
