I love black thongs
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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