Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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