Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
