You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
