friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
