Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
