I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
