...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
