nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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