I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
