:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
