Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
