good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
