he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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