I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
